Stupid ChristmasI'm Dreaming Of An Irritating Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Zapoliath sat quickly in the car, sipping fat eggnog.
He looked at the stupid apple hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Emily had hung it there, just before they looked at each other swiftly and then fell into each other's arms and licked each other's leg.
If only I hadn't been so wonderful, Zapoliath thought, pouring a fluffy amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Emily might not have got so annoying and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a small tear and held his penis in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a cute voice lifted happily up in song.
I'm dreaming of an irritating Christmas
Just like a dragon on happy pills
Zapoliath ran to the door. It was Emily, looking stinky all over with snow.
"I missed you funnily," Emily said. "And I wanted to lick your leg again."
Zapoliath hugged Emily and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Emily said.
"I think so too," Z
NOT how Emily and Zapoliath Met.The Miracle Of The Dragon
Emily hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like a rainbow on drugs.. She loathed it.
Every December, Emily would feel herself getting all stupid inside. She refused to put up a Christmas chocolate, she snapped at anyone funny enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Emily had to go to the mall to buy an annoying fart. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing half-assedly around and so much Christmas music blaring quickly, she thought her leg would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a cute man collecting for charity. Emily never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the cute man dropped his bells and ran in the box. There was a fluffy dragon right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the cute man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Emily rushed out and quietly pushed them both out of t
Never put Zap and Emily up on StageWelcome to The Emily Show! Tonight Emily will be interviewing Zapoliath.
Emily: And here's my first guest now. Glad you could join us tonight, Zapoliath. Having you on the show makes me feel horny!
Zapoliath: It makes me feel horny, too, Emily! It's awesome of you to invite me.
Emily: There's been a lot of huge talk about your trip to Australia with Drew Barrymore. In fact, in today's Total Girl, Jackle Hamilton wrote a column about your trip.
Zapoliath: I read it, but that reporter made up the whole story. Drew Barrymore and I have never even been to Australia. In fact, we haven't been out of Sydney for 200 years.
Emily: Sounds like you were framed.
Zapoliath: That's right. What else would you like to know?
Emily: Is it true that you own more than 69 cats?
Zapoliath: I do own cats, but only two.
Emily: Well folks, we're out of time. Thanks, Zapoliath. I really enjoyed running with you!
Zapoliath: I enjoyed running with you, too!
The Allankith (Prologue)I was walking down an alleyway, as I had been told to meet someone there. It was an earlier, unexpected phone call from my boss.
I waited quietly for him. Eventually, I was run into by an older looking man coming out of a door in the alley, with white hair that stuck out in many directions. Although I noticed this, the main part of him that stood out the most were his eyes. They were a silver colour, but nothing you would normally see on a human. He looked fairly startled, even though he had an unhappy expression.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?!" His voice went croaky as he spoke.
"Oh, I'm sorry if I scared you... My name is Emily." I smiled shyly, and looked at him with sparkling eyes to try and show him that I wasn't bad. "What is your name?"
The man winced when I asked the question. He mumbled the number '19' under his breath. He then stood up and looked at me. "My name is Ammerkith. Ace Ammerkith." He quietly studied my appearance, then jolted when he looked into my eyes